Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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