I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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