dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
