and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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