I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
