Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
