So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
