going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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