I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
