wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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