Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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