I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize