I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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