I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
