i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
