totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
