It was confusing and full of hummus
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
