her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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