i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
