then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
