I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
