it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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