Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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