Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
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Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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