he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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