i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
