You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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