I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
