I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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