i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
