I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
