Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
