With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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