I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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