my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
