So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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