i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
