how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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