Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
