So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
