yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
