there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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