She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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