If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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