The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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