mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize