she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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