My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
