i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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