really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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