why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
