Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and she was petting her beer can
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
