my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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