i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
