I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
