I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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