like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
