im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
