Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
