We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
