Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
