Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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