No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
