I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
