You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
