i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
