Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
