if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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