Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i think i just lost a toe
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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