Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
