I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Bring me that man meat
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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