Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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