Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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