My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
